I spent the afternoon working on our new website and blog. I have had a vision of what I wanted our 'family website' to look like for a while and I am finally getting around to making the necessary changes. So, stay with me on this...our website is a work in progress. Anyway, as I spent the afternoon transferring our blog posts from the old blogs to this new format, I couldn't help but read through each entry. As I read the words, the pain seemed so fresh and real; they sparked memories of conversations I'd had, things I did or saw in that moment. It felt like it was just yesterday. It actually crossed my mind that, "I couldn't imagine any family actually going through this. It can't be possible". Then it hit me...this was all my story, my journey and my heartache. It was real, and a family was going through this...it was my family.
I was speaking with a friend this week, and she asked how I am getting through such difficult experiences. Do you ever feel like it's just a big dream, and you'll wake up and this will be completely gone. I answered her questions with a firm 'yes'. The last 4+ years do feel like a dream...a nightmare, really. But as to 'how I am getting through?'...I don't quit. I'll admit, there are plenty of bad days, days I'd like to stay in bed & sleep or even cry. There are days I'm mad at the world...but in between all those days are good days. Days that I am so happy to be alive, I'm able to see the blessings right in front of me, and I can't help but love Jesus even more. But, ultimately, I don't quit. I keep my focus on things not of this world. I set my sights on where I'm headed and daily remind myself of what I don't want to become. I told my friend that what it really comes down to is the fact that I'm stubborn, and maybe in a way I'm a bit selfish. I refuse to give in and let satan have the upper hand. He won't win & he certainly won't beat me at this.
I was speaking with a friend this week, and she asked how I am getting through such difficult experiences. Do you ever feel like it's just a big dream, and you'll wake up and this will be completely gone. I answered her questions with a firm 'yes'. The last 4+ years do feel like a dream...a nightmare, really. But as to 'how I am getting through?'...I don't quit. I'll admit, there are plenty of bad days, days I'd like to stay in bed & sleep or even cry. There are days I'm mad at the world...but in between all those days are good days. Days that I am so happy to be alive, I'm able to see the blessings right in front of me, and I can't help but love Jesus even more. But, ultimately, I don't quit. I keep my focus on things not of this world. I set my sights on where I'm headed and daily remind myself of what I don't want to become. I told my friend that what it really comes down to is the fact that I'm stubborn, and maybe in a way I'm a bit selfish. I refuse to give in and let satan have the upper hand. He won't win & he certainly won't beat me at this.